Category: Uncategorized

Public Journal

Jeffy’s Nine Ball Review.

So I listened to RSD Jeffy’s Nine Ball the other week. The evolution he went through while becoming a better person and learning through life while “Getting laid or die trying” is an adventure worth listening to for sure. Besides the threatening life choices Jeffy went through and the drama ridden angst he experienced I believe he’s a good example for all people who have gone through similar experiences with regards to feeling angry while going through their early adulthood. I don’t want to judge his character though.

To someone who has never experienced the kind of sexual encounters Jeffy has I feel like a bystander of what is actually available out there as someone who has had little to no success with women for most of my prime. I feel inadequate and out of place listening to Nine Ball yet Jeffy’s sense of humour kept me entertained throughout the entire audiobook. Most enjoyable was the happiness I experienced for his life changes when becoming involved with RSD. Nine Ball, brilliantly written, very funny, definitely exciting and interesting.

Public Journal

Quick Recap Of Mature Boundary Function.

I went through DYD’s Deep Inner Game program earlier this year and gained immense value from the program. The development of ideas in relation to the inner workings of personal psychology are exceptional for learning an understandable system of concepts that build up the psychology framework in your mindset to trust yourself to make better sense of your inner world. Now something I’ve struggled with for years is my boundary function. My parents brought me up to get along well with others, share things, be nice, polite and kind, to give to others, to help others, to put others first, all the typical societal programming children from good families go through. These behaviours and these manners have not served me the way they were prescribed. I have been walked all over for years, been a people pleaser most my life and had many poor life experiences and lack of social skills all my adult life. I was told by peers not to be too nice, stop giving things to people, shared things that ended up getting stolen, treated like I was a pervert for asking a woman nicely for a small general request, taken advantage of for being the ‘nice guy’, always putting others first meant that I was always losing out.

Mature boundary function is a system of boundary function that works from the operation of experience and intuition based on reference experiences and your knowledge base acquired from previous life experiences. The idea is to “Move away from pain and towards pleasure”. Life lessons make us put up walls that prevent same occurrences of second class behaviour being directed our way. Dr. Paul says that instead of having walls (which can prevent opportunity occurring) we should have doors. The handle to be on our side of the door so we always have a choice as to what we let in through our boundary and what we don’t. Putting up a wall just prevents experience which we fine time future experience from. Having a mature boundary function means you respect yourself not to allow old mishaps, unwanted experience to reoccur and to allow new experience and grateful experiences to occur.

We build our boundary function through our preferences. What we like or don’t like, what we value and what we disdain, or don’t value at all, maybe find unwanted and unmerited. So as you go through life these preferences are forever changing but right now what you have is your current preferences. So to build a mature boundary function you need to consider what you will accept and what you won’t accept based on your preferences, experiences and intuition. It’s common for people to have similar preferences and this is how we make connections with other people, we tend to mix with people based on commonalities or preferences. By figuring out what you will and won’t accept, what you like and don’t like, you can make decisions based on these preferences. It therefore acts as a system that builds your boundary function over time maturely. I believe it’s an elegant model and a useful system to meditate upon at regular times over the course of your life. By building a mature boundary function it will inevitably increase your self-esteem and confidence.

Public Journal

Self-Medication Problem.

Nerve wracking but I lost my camera at the weekend. Or had it stolen. I was far too drunk to remember the night much. I’m quitting drinking and turning sober from now on. All I get is earache of friends and family about my drinking even if my intention is to have one or two, they all tell me it makes me weird, they all complain about my behaviour even though I think it does that to everyone. I enjoy the social feeling it produces. Others don’t like it when I socialise when drunk. I don’t like to socialise when I’m not drunk and need to learn how to again. I’m not an alcoholic even though friends and family treat me like one. Going out sober is supposed to be easier for picking up girls apparently. Besides the terrible nerves and social anxiety I experience I doubt it will do anything but make me feel more self-conscious and stifled. The irony is that when I get drunk I say and do stupid things that I wouldn’t do if I was sober. This is my New Years Resolution. To resolve my drinking problem. It doesn’t seem a problem to me, it’s just a problem for others. Being the people pleaser that I am and expecting to improve my life I’m committed (for the moment) to be sober, be sober on nights out, and sober in social situations. Everyone else gets drunk and acts weird but they complain when I do it. This is problematic so I’d be silly for it to continue happening.

Advantages of being sober include but are not limited to having a sound mind (questionable), better judgment, better memory function, better social calibration, increased alertness, better decision making ability, access to intuition, experience and conscience. Tyler (Owen) Durden From RSD prides himself on never drinking in field, I’m not even sure if he never drinks at all. The other day I saw a meme that poked fun at healthy eaters who drink because alcohol is a carcinogen. Drinking alcohol in large quantities is advised against in health circles. Drinking responsibly moderately is advised in the UK. I met an alcoholic some time ago who said he had Alzheimer’s. My first assumption was that it was drinking related. Drinking is a huge part of western culture when it comes to socialising. Night clubs and pubs/bars are all places that serve alcoholic beverages and have huge popularity in the West. Many young adults contribute to the huge number of customers of alcoholic drinks and nightlife culture here in the west. Being a drunk is even admirable in western comedy culture. Many men pride themselves on drinking large quantities and being able to stay sober through large quantities of alcohol like they’re waving their cock around. There is a lot of pressure placed around having drinks during leisure time in the West. I’ve never felt so left out than when my friends were all drunk having a good time and I wasn’t. Drinking is seen as glamorous in the West.

Women are attracted to high value guys. What is high value? According to Mystery Method they are Health indicators, Wealth indicators and Relationship indicators. What is your social proof? What are the types of people you spend time with all about? Do you make enough money to live a healthy life? Do you have enough exercise to stay fit and healthy? These kinds of things are what women screen guys on. Believe it or not, there is a wealth of information based in the SMP value indicators and how they are used by women to select romantic interests. The possibility of maintaining SMP indicators takes a shift in thinking to focus solely on one area of expertise and to maintain the others. Women are always waiting for a cool guy to show up in their life. Red Pill theory determines tgat by the time a man is between 36-38 he is in his prime because of the SMP indicators I just mentioned are usually at a good poi t realistically. Getting drunk, self-medicating in all kinds of forms; overeating, overdrinking, smoking, excessive television watching, excessive exercise, anything that means you are neglecting other important parts of your life areas is considered self-medication, is always low value. This is one of the tenets of Red Pill thinking because it determines that a man should be responsible, valuable and disciplined. Self-improvement outcomes include higher self-esteem, confidence and competence, well-being, overall life satisfaction and productivity (at a glimpse). It serves then to simply do everything you can to self-improve. And if you’ve been self-medicating in some ways, see if you can manage them through setting yourself some New Years Resolutions, some goals for the year ahead.

Public Journal

Loner.

I never wanted to be a pick up artist when I first got interested in pick up. I wanted to win back the affection of the woman I most cherished and the best advice I got was to “learn how to be good with women in general”. Unfortunately I’ve always felt inadequate in social situations, being shy as a boy and having social anxiety as an adult. After I got over my “a decade a long ago” break up from my last long term relationship, I wanted to desensitise myself to bars and clubs, to be able to improve my confidence. I’ve realised that this attachment to “wanting and having a need to be confident” is actually self-destructive if you just forget about confidence and concentrate on being a sociable guy. Being sociable has many counter benefits, having a huge social circle is not what I mean, but a valuable and rewarding social circle. Instead of concentrating on “being confident” try to be of value and sociable. This was the modus operandi I took for a whole decade. I’ve met and forgotten a lot of people. Mingled in different situations with absurd and outrageous behaviour, I went out a lot to say I’m an introverted extrovert. I like my alone time but I like socialising too.

Having interest in pick up and being honest about it with people in my life has created a dynamic of alienisation from social in-groups. For some reason women don’t like guys who learn to be more attractive and guys don’t like guys who are interested in women. You get a lot of guys acting the white knight to put you in your place for trying to attract and date women they know. The thing is I only go out with no expectations and I’m not particularly looking to get a same night lay. Most guys just assume that if you’re into pick up that you’re trying to get ass. They will cock block you and try to cuck you for some weird unknown reason. It’s better to just not focus on the guys. Some pick up instructors teach AMOG tactics (Alpha Male Of the Group) whereby they teach you how to deal with Male dating obstacles and female cock blocks. If you’re going out with the intention of “I’m going out to meet new people and have a good time” then you shouldn’t worry too much about other guys and cock blocks. You wouldn’t want to get to know those people anyway. Dealing with obstacles has been a huge weakness of my own in possible flirtatious encounters. They say you don’t get cock blocked or AMOGged unless they see you as a sexual threat. Sexual threat in this regard means that a female perceives you as sexually challenging and attractive. I don’t know how true that statement is but I tend to get cock blocked and AMOGged constantly in sets. I just tend to ignore it however blatant it may be although this defeats the object somewhat.

Being interested in pick up has many other benefits besides getting good with women and dating. Being intertwined with self-improvement it inspired me to make use of inspirational, informational resources from things like business, psychology, NLP, evolution, strategy, writing, and helped me focus on my pursuits in photography which I worked hard on for years while living a busy social life. I worked on my photography enough to be able to finish my Bachelors Degree, something I spent most of my youth fucking up due to social life. There’s a program by RSD Luke called Social Circle Blueprint and Social Circle Blueprint 2.0 and the sales page gives an outline that “If you have a high quality social life you will be successful with women and dating”. I thought about this and my most successful dating years happened when I had my life together, when I was going for my goals and when I was ‘popular’ with a large friend base. However, life as it is now paints a dreadfully lonely and depressed quickly approaching middle-age dead beat with nothing going for him besides his blog. It’s saddening reality and hopefully I will meet new worthwhile friends but I’m a loner these days for sure. For the previous decade my sole objective was to be useful, friendly and outgoing. It has gotten me nowhere in my social life.

Public Journal

Restrain the Octopus.

This year I’ve focused hard on social media and my communication. Majority of my time was spent on Facebook which is how I met new people and attempted poorly albeit to make new friends, possible romantic interests and to figure out the fundamental workings of communication online. Granted almost everything is taken literally and people get reactive about certain topics and so on.

The girl I met who turned out to be a lesbian whom I crushed on was probably the only person who reached out to me to help me during this whole year of spiralling out of control and deep into depression. Positively we made a quick acquaintance and found some things easily matched to get to some kind of rapport. Unfortunately my beta side arose, leading me into oneitis and finding her to be an ideal candidate for a romantic interest.

She had already told me she was in a romantic relationship and unboundedly I sought to pursue the rejection by supplicating to her and by acting like a thirsty teenager. She eventually called me out on taking too much interest in her in which I basically threw myself at her. All of this I did through typed communication. Text messages, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger until she proceeded to block me. I thought I should stop trying to contact her once she told me to ‘piss off’.

Unfortunately she made it clear that I’ve lost out on my opportunity to become friends with her. I could’ve become friends with her but notice how like most of my friendships in life dwindle beyond repair for some unknown reason to me. Since I finished my degree at Uni two years ago I’ve isolated in my home using informational resources to keep myself preoccupied with leisure being restricted to video games, music, occasional movies, and drinking heavily, alone. The peace I encountered during the first six months was welcomed by increase in productivity but has fallen into insanity over the past 18 months. This year I have questioned my sanity several times, accepted that I’m actually insane several times, fought against unseen forces and generally deluded myself beyond any scope of this loneliness and isolation being useful.

Every opportunity I’ve had to get in touch with old friends, meet new friends has always been thwarted by an undesirable rejection and ignorance. I have become lonely as a man in his thirties. I don’t like what has happened to me but I’m at social life ground zero and seem to be acting more self-destructive than many people are capable of finding as not distressing to them. People love a train-wreck. At the moment I’m a train wreck. The idea of Restraining The Octopus has arose through the two females I met this year which became fleeting disorganised flirtatious and needy relationships that made me feel useless as a man, frustrated with myself and the world. To restrain the Octopus is to restrain the neediness. It’s just a metaphorical headline.

Neediness is a certainty to fail during Attraction phases, codependency spells the end to many a successful relationships. If you reek of desperation then you will be avoided by the potential romantic interest at some point. Somewhat better termed than “Playing hard to get” is the term “Active Disinterest”. You need to be able to create sexual tension, Attraction, mutual understanding, partnership conspiracy yet maintain an aloof “Heck, I want it but don’t need it” mindset. The mentality is to create value enough to spark attraction but not put yourself out there that you seem try hard or could be misconstrued as being needy. This is something I’ve struggled with because I’ve always had a cooperative frame in my interactions with others. This makes it difficult for me to pursue women because they think I’m trusting to put them on a pedestal. If I was better looking I could get away with it. Good looking guys get away with more slip ups than average looking guys.

Mystery wrote about cat string theory and says women are like cats chasing a string but you keep pulling it away. The Octopus is the opposite of the cat string, could be better said it is like the whole ball of string given to the cat and the cat gets fed up because it’s not getting enough attention. Restraining the Octopus them is to reduce the neediness in your frame with women. You need to keep your communication at a level where you add enough value for her to respond but take away as much of your attention to her that she chases you. By giving her the string and pulling it away she feels teased and women love being teased. It’s a Red Pill motto to “Do Not Lean In” and this goes deep into communication not just physical proximity. If you like a woman you need to approach her. If you begin throwing yourself at her, putting her on a pedestal and supplicating to her every need (emotional/physical) then she will feel another like the Octopus feeds on its prey. Learn to restrain the Octopus. It will serve your attraction skills. Also learn Mystery’s cat string theory.

Public Journal

What is Love? Baby, Don’t Hurt Me.

Defining a true objective for your abilities in love and life is something worthwhile.  I read and listen to audiobooks in my free time and I’ve found that a lot of them (self-help) make the point of actually sitting down and doing the planning part of setting goals before setting out to achieve and to follow through.  I know it’s difficult for some people that they live busy lives and don’t want to waste their time on menial tasks.  It also goes that some people don’t know what to do when it comes to writing out meaningful goals and true purpose of doing the writing out (of those goals).  It goes without amiss that if you haven’t put the effort into learning how to do this then you will not achieve much.  What does writing out goals have over just going and getting them?  By writing them out you actually remember your goals, can revise them and stay focused on them.

One defining purpose for your love life should be to find someone who admires you, will care for you, support you and will respect your boundaries.  It’s impossible to want anything less from someone who doesn’t demonstrate these to you from a genuine place of sincerity.  So what is love to you?  Would you go to the ends of the Earth for someone?  Is it required that they go to the ends of the Earth for you?  Is it important that the person is obsessed beyond belief with you?  Is it important that they will do more than you ask out of sheer kindness?  Will they support you when you are broken and down?  Will they support you when you have nothing?  Will they help you get back on your feet?  Who is this person?  What does he or she look like?  How important is it to you to find love?  Or are you not ready for commitment?  Does love actually mean commitment?  Are we ready to grow together and become more dynamic and interesting people together even if it isn’t for eternity?

Sometimes by asking the right questions you gain deeper insight into your own agenda which you may or may not strike on another’s reality.  By actually figuring out what you want you set the course of your own desire.  We all learn and grow dynamically at our own pace.  Some people like and enjoy a whole host of friends, huge social circles, a huge amount of friends and followers from around the internetable globe.  Some people prefer more closed off circles and fewer followers and fans, not wanting people to be interested in their lives.  Are you more of a public person or a private person?  What does it mean to yield to circumstance when the opportunity arrives?  If love hit you in the face today would you be ready and willing to submit to its confinement?  Incarcerated by the passion and domination of intense and powerful emotions making you act irrationally.  We all know how that feels.  Individually what do you demand of yourself?  What is the next part of what you desire to be more of a person?  This is ideally what you should look for in a partner.  Someone who wants to share experience and life lessons with you to the point that you BOTH gain something from the relationship.

What is love?

Public Journal

Oneitis Job Interview.

Are you smart?  Most people like to think of themselves as smart in some way or another.  Smart people do smart things.  I considered myself smart for a long time but maybe the hubris of imagining I knew more than others led to much folly.  I’ve got some modest academic qualifications, I’ve been social most of my adult life, I learned martial arts for eight years during my teens, I’ve photographed stuff for roughly 18 years on and off.  Am I smart?  Probably quite smart in those fields, if not having exhausted them and finding ways not to be autistic talking to people who had no interest in them.  I like to think I’m smart to some degree, a mixture of book smarts and street smarts but I’m just an average guy with a heart to pursue things in ways that develop my character and creative mind.

It’s time to take control of my personal evolution.  I studied game/pick up for roughly ten years on and off, never really seeing it as a serious goal, more entertainment and self-gratification while being self-amused about it.  Of course I found the emails from PU Gurus hilarious, ridiculous and scam-like.  I learned who was useful to me and who was all hype.  I learned it’s mostly down to your own level of understanding of female psychology and interpersonal relationships.  I learned that time sat behind a screen, or reading a book is not the same as action.  I learned a bit of Red Pill and went through a second depression.  I’m still alone, single, improving the quality of my life.  What does the quality of life come down to?

I’ve been beating around the bush attempting to improve all kinds of areas of my life for years and not really getting anywhere.  In ‘The Mystery Method’ life is broken into three main parts; Health, Wealth, and Love.  My romantic life has been terrible for at least a decade, I’ve not had any real success with the ladies and it’s stolen many idle moments of thought.  My health is average, my wealth is sub-par.  Neglect in these areas has come about by trying to improve them.  For some reason, I’ve been faced with so much adversity because of the neglect of love in my life.  I’ve fought constantly with my parents over the years, trying to please them, failing, trying to make amends for past mistakes and life lessons.  My romantic life, like I mentioned has gone in total reverse ever since I got into pick up.

This previous few weeks have been life altering to some degree.  I started getting suicidal again and took to self-harm, crying for help by sharing it on social media.  Every now and then I do a friend request blitz on Facebook to connect with new people, prevent falling into the mindset that there are no different people out there.  By chance a woman I had met through one of my blitz’s called me on Facebook messenger and invited me to her home for drinks in the next town.  I went, we shared stories (she’s a borderline recoverer) and had a whale of a time just getting to know each other’s dysfunctional lives.  We cleared up our sexual orientation etc too.  Unfortunately she claimed and stayed convicted to a lesbian stance and I ended up way to drunk to do anything but go home to bed.  We messaged several times afterwards and after years of learning pick up I completely forgot everything I learned, turned into a wussy and started admitting I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I wanted her, well, we can still be friends right?  I sensed sexual tension when I was with her but I might’ve been delusional.

I want to do whatever I want to do.  I’ve had a massive amount of oneitis on this girl, crushing on her in my mind and imagining a life in some imaginary future with her.  It’s ridiculously shit.  I feel like I’ve never met a woman before and I’ve hit the big time.  Can’t stop thinking about her, won’t get her off my mind, she’s a lesbian, she’s a challenge, so I’m acting like an Average Frustrated Chump.  It’s pointless, it’s futile, it is a total waste of my time and I’m probably making her uncomfortable.  It’s dislikable for us both.  So what do I do?  I get completely shitface drunk and message her some crazed hip hop sounding rubbish that is hard to follow and she replies with “Are you drunk?”  The weird thing about this girl is she’s a short fuse when it comes to messaging.  This is where I’m reading signals wrong.  She’s just being friendly, and a ‘good friend’ and I’m reading it like she’s attracted to me.  What if I could magically turn this around?  What if I’m trying to force love onto her?  Solution? GFTOW.  Sounds helpful but I’ve not got laid in ten years at least.

So since I made a fool of myself messaging her like a chump for the last fortnight, drunk messaged her barely understandable English last night, I’ve chosen to commit to my blog.  That’s right, I’m going to be writing and pursuing other interests that I’ve neglected for the past two years since my depression relapsed.  Last night I went for a job interview and have been reserved first choice for the position.  This is something totally out of my comfort zone and something I’ve never thought of doing professionally before.  In fact, I feel like I need to come to the point of a decision for this position within the next three months just so I can rationalise whether it is worthwhile or not.  Thinking about my future resalistically has pulled me out of the oneitis funk though.  I can actually focus on what is achievable in the near future instead of battling wits and wills with some woman who already made excuses not to get romantically involved.  Why would I want a woman who doesn’t outright want me?