Month: February 2019

Public Journal

Assertiveness, My New Job, Boundary Function.

I began my new job a couple of weeks back. I’ve never worked in a Chinese Kitchen before, always been domesticated when it comes to kitchen affairs. I’ve done a few shifts so far because it’s part-time at the moment and only easing me back into employment, is what I was informed. So far I’ve noticed that the restaurant kitchen is a very busy place to work, especially on weekends when it is at it’s busiest. Obviously more people have free time at the weekends to go out to eat at a decent and enjoyable restaurant. Anyway, enough about my work life.

I’m persistently making slow progress at the moment after crawling from a dark place. I found I treated it completely terribly because even with the help I’ve had over the years, from mental health professionals, and friends being unsupportive, I noticed everything was being interpreted as though they were all enablers. The discussions I had with my CPN at the time and the Mental Health Supported Housing (Stonham) really helped me focus on my goals at the time and that’s when I finished my degree. All this time I’ve noted that I’ve had so much support over the years where people were acting like enablers rather than giving me skills. It became quite confusing when I was suddenly dropped by all the support, my mum thought that because I had moved out, that was the end of her problems and somehow I’d be fine.

Unfortunately the ‘natural alpha’ I befriended for years was a very poor example of a decent person. Moving forward, I think we both took what we needed from each other as best friends (bros4lyfe) because I’ve learned a little about Shadow aspects from Jungian psychology which helped me make sense of why I kept acting impulsively. If anything the way I’ve evolved has become opposite of being stifled in the sense that I’m more liberated to determine my own choices and become more assertive in character, taking hints from my friends, ‘aggressiveness’. If you think about aggressiveness as being one-sided, assertiveness is like a neutral win-win situation type of communication-based in positive aggressiveness, there is a compromise yet both parties involved are respected equally. I have to come to terms with the fact that my sense of humour has been on a rollercoaster throughout my life and that I definitely have to tone it down when talking to kids. I sometimes swear like a sailor too so having to readjust to children is imperative as a personal responsibility. They don’t put age rating certification on movies for no good of reason. Online I’m a troll to some degree, plausibly within current restrictions and I’ve not gone into a business so I don’t claim copyright to anything other than my own photography when possible. I believe in fair and just treatment like most decent people.

The way I see the reason behind why I took up work, and wanted to work in a restaurant part-time, is because I’ve taken ‘a path less travelled’. I spent years in education, claiming benefits with mental illness (an affective disorder) and through treatment, support, energy, effort and engagement spent on investing in myself, educating myself about important topics regarding my life and lifestyle (I was getting a schooling from my peer group), eventually began making moves to employment, which is one of the key reasons I wanted to take my own life back when I first started self-harming over a decade ago. I still have work to do but I no longer feel I need to fight the system so much for and with constant shunning to attempt to get the counsel I need for mental HEALTH. This is my boundary function in order, being put into practice. It will take time and effort to change and adapt but at least the intention is there. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Public Journal

Going Natural.

I respect the fact that Real Social Dynamics went natural with the Pick Up Artistry thing like approximately fifteen years ago. I personally studied some of Double Your Dating products and in Mastery there is a useful Five Step Formula for success. I’d have to revise it to quote it though (my retention isn’t the best due to all the stuff and variety of material). I like to remember that it is imperative that one learns from the best before they innovate which is the last step.

Because I’ve never really had much success with women I find that I like to plug in to various much more well known names in the pick up industry to learn about more appropriate ways of approaching dating and romantic interests which in my eyes should be a positive experience and also to leave a person better off than you found them. For example, if a woman acts bitchy or catty with me, I tend to do that back in response. I break rapport at the moment I sense her rapport dropping. Most of my game is rapport based yet breaking rapport I learned from Richard ‘Gambler’ La Ruina from, a London based author, video game author and long time pick up artist. I also studied a few Speed Seduction products which I forever like to boast about even though I don’t personally use patterns. I don’t mind using tried and tested openers as long as I find them plausible because I’ve experienced myself but most of the time I just base my verbal game on free association.

I respect female pick up artists (coaches) too, namely Kezia Noble, Hayley Quinn and The Wong Girl Method. I think they have solid perspectives on the dating mistakes and what works with women in dating and romance. Hypnosis stuff is a bit weird, I used it for inner game purposes but ultimately I don’t think I’d ever get away with trying to hypnotise someone unless they were submissive and fully trusting of me. Breaking rapport makes it difficult to influence people because ultimately the rapport is reduced and that’s when a person begins thinking about leaving an interaction. I studied a year of GCSE Communication Studies when I was eighteen years old which is respectively why I find interest in pick up.

In the community especially reading things I could get for free I digested segments of materials and books which I thought I needed for whatever sticking points I had at the time until I discovered “Tyler” of RSD who constantly preached that everything self fixes if you just go out a lot. So I set my heart on befriending a natural alpha bad boy and enjoyed our friendship for many years until we got tired of each other’s bullshit. I picked up both good and bad habits, could never seem to internally agree with a lot of things he said and did, I just wanted to be his friend and by the time he had gotten a good job opportunity we went our separate ways. “RSDTyler” and the Real Social Dynamics Crew are constantly putting out free videos to help guys out and I’ve always loved that. I’ve bought different products, joined and left various Facebook groups, connected virtually to instructors of all kinds of knowledge bases, I went through a Vince Kelvin student phase, an Arash Dibazar student phase all because I was getting frustrated with my results. But mostly the important thing is I was having way more fun taking advice from RSD YouTube videos and then just going out in the field and making a fool of myself.

Public Journal

Screening Game

Something I learned about when I first got into pick up was screening game. I can’t remember the source it could’ve been mASF or some other forum that was promoting the community.

What is screening game you may ask? Personally I found it to be the least intrusive approach to dating and romance. Basically most women screen guys out for value indicators, they either disqualify you, test you then disqualify you or they are attracted to your value indicators; appearance, health, wealth, social/relationship skills and so on.

When I learned about screening game I discovered Tony Clink’s Layguide which can be found online (or was the last time I checked) but I bought the paperback. It had loads of different types of game pointers from various authors. I tried Speed Seduction for practise once and got an immense emotional response which was thwarted by my brother getting angry and defending her boyfriend which to be honest is thought SpeedSeduction a scam at the time. The idea that women responded to words was beyond belief.

I read about Grandmaster game which is basically turning things very sexual early on and calibrating off the responses which in today’s political climate would be offensive to many. But I learned about screening as a guy. Does this girl have the value indicators that I’m seeking in a romantic interest? Besides looks and superficialities is there something more interesting about this girl? Would I want to spend more time with this person based on her intelligence? Her physical attributes? Her working profession? Heck if she was a prostitute would I spend money on intimate time with her? What is the nature of our current social/relationship/friendship at this point in time? I mean if these questions can’t be answered honestly then I’d have to opt out of even attempting to seduce her and get blown out, crash and burn the set, seek the rejection and bail.

Screening for me is based on my own level of attraction value indicators. I seek women out to find out what I admire the most in them and then I screen women out for those attributes/qualities and values. Many times I’ve thought I was attracted to a certain behaviour or quality to realise that the girl I was interested in was either putting up a front, seeking rapport or validation, or downright didn’t have any inclination of those qualities. And I’d even attempt to help grow with a partnership either that be a friendship or relationship of non commitment to allow a woman or women to become more adaptable in their approach to dating/romantic attraction. I’m not the best looking guy but I’ve had standards and boundaries of my own which I’ve dealt with gracefully due to a good family upbringing and because I value people’s personal boundaries. When a woman tries to string me along then I already know she is interested. Women only test guys they’re interested in. They are also screening. They meet many men several times a day who placate to their needs, putting them on pedestals and genuinely being as nice as they can be with them. And if they are screening and doing this because it makes the girl disqualify them to save time and effort. Then that is understandable. But if they are doing it because they want to be favoured as a romantic partner then they are trying way too hard for the types of girl I’m talking about.

So basically the way I approach game is I test women instead of them testing me. Of course there should be a compromise between the romantic interests because if not then the mutual component doesn’t exist. It makes sense that the parties involved in the escalation of romance have a mutual understanding otherwise they inevitably (generally one before the other) drops interest in some manner and they both part ways. In this case the Seduction was unsuccessful. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you for wanting them?