This post is not intended to reflect the Pick Up industry, the wonderful and amazing instructors/coaches, but something I realised after a few years of learning game became more of a problem, personally, than useful. I just wanted to put it out there so others can learn from my mistakes. When I got into pick up I never took it seriously, I treated it as a picnic or buffet by just picking what I wanted, whatever seemed profound or magical in some way believing in the ‘magic pill’ mentality with nuggets of advice that made me more of a weird person than a successful lothario.
It was either I clung onto a single piece of advice and tried everything no matter how screwed up to make it work, or I’d go through phases of going back to the drawing board and attempting to learn several systems at a time with the hopes that more knowledge would lead to more success with women. It’s been said several times from different sources on the internet that you should pick one instructor, one system and stick with it until you get the most from it. I approached my pick up study in a completely chaotic and collectors mindset type of way so none of the instructors are to blame.
Another great piece of advice that a lot of pick up material perpetuates is that you SHOULD take a boot camp. If you’ve ever heard of the ‘Johari Window’ you soon learn that there are things you know and others know, things you know that others don’t know, things that you don’t know and others don’t know and finally (getting to my point about boot camps) there are things others know that you don’t know. This last one is a blind spot. In my head, I had lots of great information about being successful with women but I couldn’t actually see how I was behaving around women. This should be intuitive but it is something you really don’t take into consideration when you think you’ve figured everything out. What usually happens is you go in the field and you don’t succeed. You ask yourself “But it said this piece of advice was supposed to work, why did it not work? Why?” and then you have opened the floodgates to insecurity, lack of confidence in your ability and lack of willingness to use pick up knowledge.
I’ve done this several times. In fact, I had small successes with Mystery Method, SS and basically, nothing else has had any kind of success that the hyped up marketing promises with pick up products. It wasn’t until I bought Vince Kelvin’s Inner Attraction Conditioning System product that I honestly felt insecure about my dating life to the point of not accepting myself. I was hooked on pick up articles, buying products with what little surplus money I had from going out drinking with friends and living a normal life. It was always a desire for more knowledge, the magic pill, the right advice, the most practical advice, maybe it’s my inner game, inner game advice. Just like when you are in close proximity with an attractive woman and you want it to escalate but it’s frustrating you to the point that you eject, is the same kind of dynamic surrounding pick up products.
I always found it peculiar that pick up gurus would instruct you not to pedestal a woman, not be needy but yet you’re trying to gain what they have so you can have success with a woman. You end up pedestalling Pick Up Artists who encourage ways of thinking and being around women that you are denying the opportunity of allowing a woman to find you attractive as you are. At a bare minimum, you would want a woman to value who you are as a person rather than some fly system designed to ‘trick a woman into bed’!!
I always saw PU as entertainment. I believe this to be my biggest reason why I got screwed up. After at least a decade of intermittent study of different pick up products I’ve probably learned more about myself than I have of women. The whole process has been heuristic more than practical application. I can’t get the money back from those products and books I have lying around and would actually benefit from a new pair of jeans and a few outings instead.
Now that we’re in 2018, you may have noticed that in recent years there has been a huge shift in the male dating industry in the motion that gurus are advising away from tactics, not trying to game women and there are only mostly the long-timers who are still peddling PU products besides well-established businesses. There were the advent and dissolving of The Red Pill into the mainstream subcultures and there are Men’s Rights Activists, MGTOW, among other movements sprouting out into social media and gaining momentum in Western Culture. Some more useful than others, some causing argumentative discourse, some being more popular than others. The Red Pill, for example, took on quite a lot of ideology from the Seduction Community but has evolved into a lifestyle and media identity of its own. It is brazenly more serious in overtones than Pick Up and is catching on in popularity. Besides these movements, pick up is still around. It is getting a lot of negativity from a lot of people because as a cliche it seems like a scam industry and on the surface advocates manipulation.
Pick Up is losing its popularity these days. Many younger people are taking interest in politics and this has spurred a revival of the feminist movement with some extreme examples of its ideology becoming deranged and in a word ‘extreme’. PU still has most of its original roots based on the internet such as mASF and therefore will still be around for years to come. The amount of literature and digital products generated during the PU industry boom since Neil Strauss’s The Game and Mystery’s TV Show appearances has been immense. The opportunity for business in PU was during that period.
I can imagine PU going underground again due to this. There will be less of a spotlight surrounding PU than before and not every PUA is interested in TRP. In fact, I think it’s already begun going underground. RSD advocated natural uncanned game years ago and I think it’s manifesting culturally in the West that less PU authorities advise using canned lines apart from well-established businesses. For me, I’ve never been interested in canned lines. Always thought it was better to be credible than to use someone else’s lines to try and get a woman to like me. It’s difficult to distinguish the veracity of those canned lines out there because I don’t use them. They say that they are like training wheels and such and probably by never having used them much I’ve denied the success they could’ve brought.
Cold Approach is highly advised for anyone attempting to get good with women and this is something I’ve never really put much effort into. I used to go out with friends on nights out and cold approach in bars and clubs but never really tried daygame. Sure enough, my friends were less supportive of my advances on the opposite sex and more interested in having a good time than seeing me succeed with women.
I told most everyone I was close with that I was interested in pick up. This has been a huge roadblock to my success with women. Not only has it added a social dynamic of unwanted competition from other guys, it probably gave a bad impression of my intentions to find love, leading others to have a perception that I just wanted to get laid with every woman I communicated with. Totally unfounded on impression and not based in reality.
One product that really changed my whole view of PU was Brent Smith’s Attract Hotter Women ebook. Now I read this quite recently in terms of my interest in PU and the best piece of advice I got from that book was “Stop Pursuing Women”. It was like that Taoist quote that translates to “What you chase will run away” and ever since I stopped trying to pick up women things have been less pressured, less contrived, less worrisome and more natural. Thank You Brent!!
Another product that really boosted my understanding of PU was a product not really having much based in PU, Deep Inner Game by Double Your Dating. This single product taught me about how important it is to have preferences, a mature boundary function, using observing ego and sparked a mild interest in psychology. Instead of trying to get into a woman’s pants, the product get’s you to think about your inner world in a systematic and rational way that allows you to thrive in your book smarts, street smarts and the ability to use these as a proponent for your masculine high character. I can’t recommend this product enough.