Where do I begin? Start where you are.
Most of the problems people generate automatically are due to a feeling of lack, of inadequacy, of not being enough. I know this because I’m an expert at doing this when I let my thoughts take over and ‘go with the flow’. It’s really unproductive to go with the flow. For all intents and purposes conscious control gives you, the user of this human physiology, your objective reality, the opportunity to be aware, be in control, be attentive, be at cause and not effect.
So many times a day we are reminded that we’re not good enough, whether it is a look, glance, gesture, tone of voice, words being spoken, advertisements in mainstream media, dating advice that requires you to be a different disposition, a status, a tweet, you get the idea. We are bombarded with messages that tell us that we need to think of ourselves as not having the right things to accept ourselves as we are.
Self-Acceptance is the Foundation of All Self-Improvement. I learned this from Vince Kelvin. All of the striving and chasing dreams accounts for nothing until you realise you are enough as you are. It is a Zen concept founded in Buddhism, to not have the desire for anything more than what is right and useful. In our modern day culture, we are constantly told we need more, better, the newest, the most rewarding things, the best things, and we are never satisfied. By accepting everything as it is you accept yourself.
Accepting yourself is not an excuse to give up the need for better life satisfaction. What self-acceptance is about is responsibility. If you step outside of yourself and become a grasping mind you will always be wanting for more or better. When you accept yourself as you are you will want what you already have, you will be open to experience rather than desire, you will be able to make choice from a foundation of acceptance. In order to be open to self-acceptance, you must be grateful for everything. An Attitude of Gratitude allows you to accept the present moment, accept yourself and your achievements, accept your wants and desires, accept yourself.
I’m the kind of person who is addicted to the variety of stimulation. It’s a paradox in the manner that by wanting to learn everything and wanting to do everything at once my self-acceptance becomes non-existent for a while. Something I learned from David DeAngelo’s products is a technique called ‘Centering’. Centering is where you pause everything for a moment, stop to breath in mindfully through the nose into your dan tien (diaphragmatic breathing) then breathe out through your lips and just be. It is a grounding in reality. A lot of the time when you find yourself wanting more or better then you need to centre. By centring you accept everything as it is. You accept your circumstances, you accept the past, the present, the future as it exists now, the thinking that was, the objective reality as it is now, and also the subjective understanding of it all. You allow yourself to ground into reality in the present moment. Centering yourself opens up the channels to be in the present, you are allowed to be calm. You let yourself centre when you need to ground.
Centering is one exercise that is useful for learning how to accept yourself. Sometimes we never know if we are accepted by others. This takes on a whole life of its own because we are social creatures. When nobody you respect accepts you it can make you feel as though you do not accept yourself. This doesn’t have to be the case though. What centring does is it attunes you to your internal locus of control. Imagine you agreed “yes” to a decision and you want to opt out of it. You have a right to opt out (assuming it’s not legally binding) because from your centre the “yes” was a decision. You operate from your decision-making ability. Every choice you made was a decision whether you believe it to be or not. You can accept that and you can know that you have a powerful decision-making ability because you have made lots of decisions in the past (reference experiences) whether they led to negative or positive outcomes makes no difference. It was always based on your decision-making ability. Your ability to make a decision is responsibility. Response-Ability. Responsibility is granted to those who accept themselves. By centring yourself and taking responsibility you accept yourself. Self-Acceptance leads to responsibility and decision-making skill because it is a form of centring. I’m trying not to waffle but all these things are interlinked whether you believe it or not. Self-Acceptance, Centering, Decision-Making Ability, Responsibility, Response-Ability.
As a foundation for all self-improvement self-acceptance grants you centering, decision-making ability, responsibility and response ability. It’s not a magic pill in that you accept yourself and everything autofixes. That’s not how it works. If you’ve read this far then you’re probably looking to get more from yourself and demand more from life than what you’re already getting. This is what I want for myself. By applying self-acceptance and accepting everything as it is you open the doors to opportunity.
A little about myself. My life is not great, I’m probably living better than some people and not as successful as I’d like to be in terms of wealth, health and love. You know what though? I accept that. I accept that I’m where I’m at in my life, I accept that I wasted a lot of time chasing fantasies and dreams to wind up being a tired, broke-ass thirty-something, cursed by loneliness and knowing more than enough about a topic I don’t know how to apply (pick up). I accept the fact that it took most of my adult life up until now to finish my education due to being more of a socialite than a good student. I accept the fact that nobody might read this post and if they do I hope they learn something useful from it. I accept myself for having written this post. I accept the knowledge I’ve learned about self-acceptance and I accept myself for wanting more knowledge about this subject.
On that note I’d like to invite you to start reading my first January book choice The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. This is the book I will be reading this week and will derive my post themes from, the topic of Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem, Self-sufficiency, for the first week of, January, beginning Friday 5th. Hope you will join me in my personal and professional discoveries regarding this topic, thanks for reading.